10.24.2008
10.17.2008
10.14.2008
10.09.2008
Judging Comic Books by the Covers:
Comic Book Reviews for October 8, 2008
Remember when comics had awesome covers? Like Superman shooting rainbows out of his hand. And like fifty lines of text. And they were totally misleading. Let's see if things have changed with modern comics...
B.P.R.D.: The Warning #4
Cover:Two monsters fight. Dr. Krauss sits in the corner saying, "Hi."
Actual Content:Two monsters actually do fight. In fact, there are soldiers fighting monsters. Soldiers fight goblins. Soldiers fighting giant robots. All that needed to be on the cover of this book was the word: FIGHT! Of course, the two monsters were once allies. But Abe Sapien gets the bright idea to blow a whole through one with a rocket launcher and then have Dr. Krauss use his ectoplasmic mojo on the dead corpse to control it and bring it back to life and really tear things up. Sure, it was kind of a poor Dues Ex Machina (well, isn't that device always poor? Sorry, for the redundancy...) but still cool in the Army of the Dead-Lord of the Rings-kind-of-way.
Which is better? I'm going to go with the actual content on this one. I thought the last B.P.R.D. miniseries has that Alien kind of feel. Well, this has that Aliens kind of feel. And that little "s" means a buckets more crazy problems. In fact, the epic scale of this story really sticks out from most Hellboy-universe tales. Most of them are small and contained. However, this story--illustrated by this issue--is wide open and affecting more than some secret government agency. In fact, the opening page is Germany being set aflame by giant supernatural robots. Though, I have to admit...that little Krauss breaking the fourth wall saying, "Hi," to the reader is pretty endearing. But I'll stick with the actual content being better.
Final Crisis: Revelations #3
Cover: Batwoman...with flames rising from her crotch.
Actual Content: Really heavy handed commentary on whether or not God is a good guy or not. Of course, seeing that all the other actual mythology--angels of mercy, angels of vengeance, Cane, etc--hold true in this stories universe, I've got to find the whole argument kind of void. "God created the universe and has all this power but is a stupid prick because I don't like the way he punishes people." Well, stop believing in him then and he'll go away. I do like that those taken over by the anti-life equation can't be affected by the power of God because God can only have power over those with free will. But otherwise, there is a considerable lack of fire rising from Batwoman's crotch in this book.
Which is better? The cover. Because it seems to be a metaphor that Batwoman has some kind of STD (what else could a crotch on fire represent) which means we can expect an appearance of Bat-Valtrax.
I Kill Giants #4
Cover: A girl on a cell phone. I'm pretty sure it is Barbara's, the protagonist, older sister that takes care of her.
Actual Content: This gets pretty dark. Barbara's one friend betrays her; because Barbara is kind of an asocial jerk. Giants invade. Barbara gets the crap beat out of her. And we find out something really messed up happened to her mom. Like being tied to a bed and tortured in front of Barbara or something. Maybe it was just the A Rose For Emily deal, but whatever it was it is messed up.
Which is better? Content. This series gets better with every issue. I mean, how many comics deal with psychologically messed up twelve-year-old girls who deal with some messed up corpse of her mom by pretending she's Thor? This story just continues to catch me off guard with each issue by the depth it is going for.
Invincible Iron Man #6
Cover: There was another one, but I picked the variant. Why? It's retro and that is kind of what this story arc has been all about. Tony Stark is a poser futurist.
Actual Content: Well, Iron Man fights Zeke for a bunch of pages. There are a bunch of robot Iron Men that help out. Then Iron Man wins. How? I don't know. He shoots some ray and everything works out. Oh, and then Tony gets all The Dark Knight and bemoans the fact that villains are so bad he has to be a little evil too...like when he kills four guys when he pushes his magic let's-end-this-arc button.
Which is better? The cover. This arc was all over the place which is probably why it was six issues instead of three. I mean, I kind of liked it. But I'm not going to keep buying it. Afterall, it is an Iron Man comic. And it never did make me care about Iron Man or Tony Stark or the movie sequel this book is supposed to be setting up. You know it's true. At least the cover was cool looking.
Secret Six #2
Cover: Catman and Batman punching each other.
Actual Content: Catman and Batman punch each other while Catman tries to figure out the origins of the scent of Mexican food. It originates from Batman after eating a burrito. (Which begs the question--did the scent originate from his breath or his farts? Sorry kids, but sometimes those are the kind of jokes you're going to get.)
Which is better? I'm going to go with the actual content. I mean, it has the same stuff from the cover but also the possibility that Batman farts a lot while fighting crime by himself. Plus, I'm pretty sure Bane is straight edge (he rambles on and on about how he no longer juices up using Venom). So, I guess that's a plus. I mean, he'd be cooler if he wore chains as a belt and construction gloves; but he does wear a lucha libre mask...which, really, is the next best thing.
Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane #3
Cover: Mary Jane skateboards on a clear summer day, while Spider-Man swings above her.
Actual Content: Mary Jane runs to work in the pouring rain while Spider-Man hangs out on a building getting a cold from being out in the freezing rain.
Which is better? Tie. I like the cover. It is by Terry Moore and real pretty. The content, while it is pretty Degrassi Jr. High...that is what I expect. Neither really succeed at being more than what they are. So a mediocre draw.
Walking Dead #53
Cover: Some people. With guns.
Actual Content: Rick and son find all the people that used to hang out with them until Rick thought it would be a good idea to fight a tank (just in case you're not reading this: bad idea). And then some new people show up saying they're scientist and know what causes the zombies and are fixing the government.
Which is better? The cover. Because, really, people--probably--pretending to be some of some occupation to survive during a post-apocalyptic America...wasn't that from the horrible Kevin Costner movie The Postman? Yeah, adding zombies won't fix that.
Wonder Woman #25
Cover: Little girls getting pumped over a Wonder Woman movie.
Actual Content: I'm not really sure. So there is some evil queen that is the source of fairy tales that has taken over a Hollywood movie studio to make a movie slandering Wonder Woman and the Amazons. And then some fighting. And gorillas want to eat Hollywood execs. Or something like that.
Which is better? Content. I mean, I was really confused but it did contain this line: "Snow White wasn't trained in ambidextrous dual axe technique!" Also centaurs get kicked in the face. Stop being so wishy-washy centaurs! Are you people or are you horses! Pick a side!
Young Liars #8
Cover: Sadie with a clown...all seventies psychedelic-like.
Actual Content: Dude, clown orgy! Seriously. The last issue was the end of sanity with this book that was already on the edge and I'm driving into whatever this book is about head first. The whole spiders from Mars thing just might be true after reading this issue. I don't even know what to expect anymore. I mean, pigeon shooting with live greyhound dogs as the pigeons? You know Garth Ennis is cutting himself with glass for not thinking of that first.
Which is better? Actual content. I mean, anorexic model spy wishing to probe the orifices of her friends. And clown orgy!
4.10.2008
Thursday Morning Hangover:
Comic Book Reviews for April 9, 2008
Is Dick Cheney a Green Lantern? Would I like Harry Potter more if it featured beautiful punk rock girls? And what is with all the Nazi gorillas? All this and more, in this week’s reviews…
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